these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
