All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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