Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
