at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
