it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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