My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
