3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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