Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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