I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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