I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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