I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
