and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
