I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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