I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
