I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
