Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
