I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
