I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
