I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
