OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
