you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
