My nipple is on Facebook.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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