Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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