Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Rumble strips road head = magical
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
