Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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