Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
