You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
