i don't like sucking hair
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
