"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
