I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
