Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
