first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
