I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
