i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
