I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
