I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
