Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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