New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
