it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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