Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
