I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
