he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
