One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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