you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
