when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
