i don't like sucking hair
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
