you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
try to milk me bitch
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