You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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