**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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