Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
