I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
