Don't you send me to vm
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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