All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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