you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
